
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/38712.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Lord_of_the_Rings_RPF
  Relationship:
      Sean_Bean/_Viggo_Mortensen
  Character:
      Sean_Bean, Viggo_Mortensen
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_High_School
  Series:
      Part 3 of No_Ordinary_Life
  Stats:
      Published: 2007-08-22 Words: 3123
****** Maybe This Is Why I've Lost My Mind ******
by padawanhilary, Telesilla
Summary
     Sean has some pretty serious news and Viggo needs to say something.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
Sean's still scowling by the time he gets to Viggo's, and he slams the car door
harder than is strictly necessary to try to vent some of his ire. It doesn't do
much good. Right now he can't even see straight, he's so angry.
He tries to take it easy when he knocks on the door, jaw clenching and
unclenching compulsively. He'd expected it to be bad, but this was...this was
just insane.
Sarah opens the door and then blinks a little. "Sean," she says, "c'mon in. I'm
surprised to see you this early." She knows that Sean's aware that Viggo's
tends to sleep in late on weekend mornings; usually Sean doesn't come over
until at least eleven.
As he comes inside, she notices how tense he is. "Is everything all right? Come
back to the kitchen and have some coffee or something; you know it'll take a
while for Viggo to wake up."
"'m sorry, Ms. Lawrence," Sean mumbles as he comes in, feeling a little
foolish; he hadn't even paid attention to the time. He digs his hands into his
pockets as he follows her through the house.
"I did it," he mutters a little morosely, helping himself to a mug and coffee.
"I came out to them."
Sarah had been ready to go yell at Viggo's door, but now she stops and turns.
Sean looks miserable and defiant and scared, and she remembers Viggo looking
much the same way after he got back from coming out to her ex-husband.
"Oh sweetheart," she says, hugging Sean close, never mind the coffee cup. "That
was very brave of you." She doesn't need to ask if it went well or not; that it
didn't is obvious.
"I don't feel brave." Sean pulls back carefully, staring down into his cup. "He
just..." And he lets out a disgusted noise and sets his cup down. "He's so
bloody closed. It isn't just this, it's everything." Looking at Viggo's mother,
sympathetic in a way Sean has never seen from his own mum, Sean feels an absurd
urge to ask him if he can just adopt her as his parent.
"I'm so sorry," Sarah says. She's made it a point not to criticize Sean's
parents, either to his face or when Viggo talks about them. The phrase more
money than sense always comes to mind, though. She squeezes his shoulder.
"Let me go see if Viggo's stirring."
Sean nods and lets her go, settling at the table and cupping his hands around
his coffee. It strikes him abruptly that he can't even imagine going home at
this point -- God only knows what his father's doing now. Enrolling me in a
military academy, Sean snorts inwardly.
"Go away," Viggo mumbles as someone, his mom probably, bangs on his door. "Too
early...." He squints at his clock to make sure and yeah, it's just now ten.
"Sean's here," Sarah says, opening the door. Viggo rolls over and looks at her
and it's hard for a moment; he looks so damn young. "C'mon. You need to get
up."
"Sean?" Viggo blinks and nods. "Um...okay yeah. Just let me...." But she's
already ducking out so he can get dressed.
A moment later he's stumbling into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. "Hey...what's
up?"
Unbelievably, Sean is too distracted by his own angst to notice that Viggo's
jeans -- his one lone piece of clothing -- are doing that clingy thing around
his hips. He gets up to get Viggo some coffee. "Sorry," he says. "I had nowhere
else to go." His throat tightens as he pours and goes on, "My dad and I had
it...well, out," he laughs bitterly. "I told him."
"Oh wow," Viggo says. He takes the coffee even though he really doesn't need it
in light of this news. "Are you okay?"
"No. Well -- you'd think I would be. I knew he wouldn't understand, I knew he'd
react just the way he did." Sean watches Viggo, realizing again how early it is
by Viggo's clock. They should go crawl into bed and sleep. At least until Da
goes out of the country again.
Viggo catches his mom moving quietly out of the room. While she can be annoying
and all up in his business at times, she does have some tact. He moves over and
wraps his arms around Sean's waist, leaning against his back. "What do you
need?"
Gratefully Sean rests his arms over Viggo's. "I don't know. New parents," he
adds on a snort. "Pray he doesn't send me to military boarding school. Fuck."
Viggo's arms go tighter around Sean. "No," he says without really thinking. "He
can't do that." Can't take you away from me.
"If he tries, I might have to leave home," Sean says, but then he stops. He
can't talk like that; he has no idea where he'd go. It isn't as though he can
really stay here. "It'll be okay." It has to be, somehow.
"Maybe...maybe he'll calm down," Viggo says. His own dad still sees him at
least, and still pays out his support money. But their visits are
uncomfortable, and Viggo hates them.
"You need to know, though," Sean warns quietly, and he's actually glad that
Viggo's mom isn't here for this part, "he thinks you did it." With a bitter
laugh, he goes on, "He thinks you made me gay."
"Seriously?" Viggo pulls back in surprise. "You can't make someone gay."
"I know that." Sean turns around and gives Viggo a look. "You know that.
Fucking hell, everybody knows that but my father." Not even his mother's half-
hearted "Now honey"s were any good this time.
"I love you," Viggo blurts out. It's the wrong thing at the wrong time, he's
sure of it, but the words refuse to leave themselves unsaid.
Sean stares, wondering if he heard the thing he thinks he did just now. "I -
- did you just...?" he asks, and then he shakes his head, gathering Viggo up
again into a huge hug. "God," he breathes, "I love you too, Viggo."
"We'll...something will work out," Viggo says. He has no way to make his
promise come true, but he believes it fiercely and maybe that's enough.
"Really."
"Yeah," Sean agrees. He rests his hand on Viggo's arm, squeezing gently. "I'm
bloody exhausted. We fought all morning. Mum was no good at all, either; she
was just..." He mimics her tiredly, rolling his eyes, "'Oh, Gerald, do try to
keep your voice down.' Coupla wankers, both of them."
"Come to bed with me," Viggo says. "You look like you need it." And yeah
there's a double entendre in there somewhere but Viggo doesn't care. Sean does
need it, he thinks, needs to be reminded of the good stuff about being gay.
"Okay," Sean sighs immediately. He catches the meaning Viggo's going for, and
he's happy for it. Anything to wipe the taste of fighting with his father from
his mouth.
Once they're in Viggo's bedroom, he pulls Sean close and kisses him. There are
probably words for this, but Viggo hasn't had time to sit and work them out,
and so, hopefully, actions will do.
Almost melting into Viggo, Sean wraps his arms tight around him and returns the
kiss hungrily. He supposes part of him always knew this was coming, this
blowout with Da, and Sean's just grateful he has Viggo to...well, to come home
to.
Viggo can almost feel Sean calming down and he lets the kiss go gentle as he
steers them to the bed. "C'mon," he says. "You'll feel better if you lie down."
"As long as you're here," Sean murmurs, tugging Viggo close as they settle
down. It sounds melodramatic, but right now, this is all Sean needs. He strokes
Viggo's hair back, watching his eyes. "I do love you," he murmurs quietly.
"God," Viggo murmurs. "That's...I...I want you to fuck me."
Startled, Sean grins abruptly. "Wow," he breathes. He's instantly sorry that
they don't have results back from the testing they had done, but that certainly
isn't going to keep him from accepting what Viggo's offering. He kisses Viggo
hungrily and slides a hand up into his hair, grateful all over again.
"Mmmmm," Viggo hums into Sean's mouth. "I've uh...been practicing," he adds
once they break for air.
The idea gives Sean that wicked gleam in his eye. "Have you, now?" He's moved,
though; this is such an important thing, and the idea that Viggo's been
thinking ahead like this makes Sean appreciate him all the more.
"Just a little," Viggo says, his face going hot. "You know...with my
fingers...."
Sean feels a little guilty for teasing. "That means a lot to me." He kisses
Viggo again, sliding a hand around to Viggo's back and pressing him close
again.
"Feels really good, too," Viggo says with a grin as he twists and manages to
squirm against Sean while reaching for the lube.
Groaning exaggeratedly, Sean mouths at Viggo's neck to give him something to
think about. "You're a brat," he grins against the skin, biting lightly.
"You say that like it's news," Viggo says, his gasps ruining his attempt at a
dry tone of voice. He reaches for the hem of Sean's shirt and tugs at it. "This
works better if we're naked."
"You think?" Sean helps Viggo drag his shirt off and then starts in on his
jeans. "God, just being here feels better," he says and then flushes, shooting
Viggo an almost sheepish grin as they strip.
"I'm glad," Viggo says. He's got a lot more to say about Sean's parents but now
hardly seems like a good time. He wriggles out of his jeans instead, grinning
up at Sean. "See why going commando is better?"
"Much," Sean agrees. He reaches for Viggo's cock and strokes it gently. "How do
you want it?" he asks, trying to consider their options.
"I read that rolling over is easier," Viggo says. "Me on my stomach I mean."
"Yeah," Sean agrees. He'd love to be suave about this, but there's no help for
it: Viggo has to turn over, and Sean has to get into position and prep him. He
scoots back. "Go on and get comfortable."
Viggo squirms around until he's on his stomach, not sure if he should get up on
his hands and knees or stay like this. He compromises, shifting until he's got
one knee drawn up under him; it's a pose he's always liked and one he's drawn
more than once, copying from the nicer of the gay porn sites he's found online.
"Oh," Sean breathes, stroking his hand down Viggo's flank, "that's lovely." He
bends down to kiss Viggo's back, then straightens again, casting about for
supplies. "Dresser?" he asks. "Nightstand?"
"Nightstand," Viggo says, his breath going a little shaky at the feel of Sean's
lips on him.
Sean likes that, and he kisses Viggo's skin again before leaning over, bracing
himself on one hand to dig into the drawer.
"We're going to go slow," he assures as he moves behind Viggo and wets his
fingers with the lube. "I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't hurt me," Viggo says, spreading his legs a little more. "I wouldn't
do this with you, wouldn't love you, if I didn't trust you."
Sean tears into the condom belatedly and manages to get it on, cursing softly
as his fingers slip and he has to pull rather than unroll. Once he's got it
situated, he gets more lube on his fingers and pushes them between Viggo's
cheeks. Viggo's offering up so much that Sean can hardly believe his good
fortune. "I can't wait," he admits a little breathlessly.
"God I know," Viggo says, moaning a little as Sean's fingers go inside him. "Oh
fuck that's...Sean...."
Christ, Viggo's tight, and Sean can hardly stand it. "It's brilliant," he
whispers, concentrating as he angles his fingers, trying to find that spot.
"Yeah, that's...the word," Viggo says, and then Sean touches something and
Viggo's seeing stars behind his closed eyelids. "Oh God right there yeah again
c'mon Sean...."
"Yeah?" Sean bites his bottom lip and then lets out a groan, rubbing on that
spot again with two fingers, wanting to hear more of those noises out of
Viggo's throat.
Squirming, Viggo does his best to press back against Sean's fingers.
"God...that's so fucking...Sean it's...good...more, yeah like that...more!" He
knows he's babbling but he really doesn't care; even during his own careful
experimentation, he's never felt anything like this before.
Viggo's near-desperate moves are driving Sean crazy. "Get up onto both knees,"
he gets out. Much as he adores the position Viggo's in, it's not going to lend
itself to serious fucking -- and anyway, at this point, he hardly thinks Viggo
will mind changing positions.
"Okay." Viggo scrambles into position, burying his face in his pillow as he
gets his ass in the air. I'm about to get fucked,he thinks. Finally.
"Christ, you're beautiful," Sean whispers, shifting over behind Viggo. He grips
Viggo's hip in one hand and his own cock in the other, lining up and getting
ready. "You alright?" he asks softly, pressing up against Viggo's hole.
"Yeah," Viggo says, taking a quick breath. "Go...go slow, okay?"
"I will." Sean pushes forward, managing to breach Viggo slowly and get the head
of his cock in, and oh fuck, Viggo's tight. "Jesus Christ," Sean moans,
gripping Viggo's shoulder in some obscure hope it'll keep him from losing
control.
It hurts, not bad, but a little, and Viggo tries to breathe through it.
"Careful," he mutters, but he wants more, doesn't want Sean to stop, and so he
presses back almost recklessly.
"Being careful," Sean promises, but then he's gripping Viggo's hips sharply.
"Don't," he warns. "Fuck, just...slow." He doesn't know which of them he's
reminding, either. He presses in gently, gritting out a shivery moan.
Viggo's just at the point where he really needs to tell Sean to stop, that he
can't take it, but then he can feel Sean is all the way in and as much as it's
uncomfortable, Viggo wants to wait and see if it gets better. "Don't...just
don't move yet," he says behind clenched teeth.
It has to get better, right?
"Okay," Sean hitches out, petting Viggo's shoulder distractedly. He knows what
he has to do, but he isn't going to make that move until Viggo's ready.
That Sean is obviously listening helps; Viggo takes a moment to breathe, trying
to relax his muscles. After a little while it's easier and he pulls away, just
a little, and then pushes back. That's okay, while it still burns, it feels
good and he moans a little and does it again.
"Okay," Sean breathes again, and he scoots closer, stretching over to angle up
a bit, pressing his cock downward. He thrusts very gently and there, he can
feel it, he's right up against Viggo's prostate.
"Oh fuck," Viggo yelps, the word 'careful" driven right out of his mind.
"Yeah," he says, pushing back against Sean harder. "Oh yeah...Sean."
Christ, that's beautiful. Sean grips Viggo's hips, keeping the angle as best he
can, keeping himself draped over Viggo's back mostly for the closeness of it.
He's thrusting slowly, groaning out broken noises, and he desperately hopes
this is as good for Viggo as it is for him.
Good doesn't begin to describe it; as Sean finds a rhythm that works for both
of them, Viggo spares a moment vaguely wondering why anyone would ever want to
top when getting fucked feels this good. Mostly, however, he's clutching at the
blankets and moaning as Sean moves into him again and again.
"So...good...God...."
Sean just groans and braces up on his elbows. He kisses Viggo's shoulders,
breathing hard. He's done this a couple of times, but he could swear it's never
been this hot.
Doing his best to keep his balance, Viggo slides a hand down and grasps his own
cock. He's so close, and the familiar feel of his fingers on his dick makes him
gasp. "Sean...oh fuck...close...."
"Yeah." Sean rests his cheek against Viggo's head, nodding. He speeds up his
thrusts, hitching in a breath as Viggo tenses under him. "Come on, Viggo," he
moans, waiting for it, hoping they can both do it together.
With a loud yelp, Viggo comes, and it's better and harder and longer than any
orgasm he's ever had. More, he thinks vaguely. I'm gonna want a lot more of
that.
Sean can't quite get there right as Viggo does, but he comes close. He groans
hard as it jerks through him, driving him into Viggo one last time, hard and
deep before he goes still, tense all over.
"God," he whispers, cupping a hand over Viggo's shoulder and then sliding it
into his hair. "Viggo...thank you."
"Fuck," Viggo says, collapsing onto the bed and not caring that Sean lands on
top of him. "Thank you...seriously. That was amazing." He'll write about it at
some point, or maybe try to paint something. He's not sure he can capture the
fierce pleasure of the act, but he knows he needs to try.
"Mmm." Sean grasps the condom and pulls back gently, settling onto his back to
deal with the condom and knot it. As soon as that's done, he's curling back
toward Viggo again. "You need a towel?" he murmurs, feeling intensely
protective all of a sudden. "I'll go get you one."
"Just grab a t-shirt off the floor," Viggo says, reaching back and gripping
Sean's hip. He feels oddly fragile; he's crossed a benchmark line in his
personal history and he doesn't want to be alone right now.
"Okay." Sean rolls back, careful not to dislodge Viggo's hand on him. He offers
up the shirt and wraps his arms around Viggo when the cleanup is done, holding
on maybe a little too tightly. "That was incredible, Viggo," he murmurs,
nuzzling into Viggo's ear.
"It was...I don't have words yet," Viggo says. "I don't feel like I'm the same
person i was an hour ago. You don't have to go now, do you?" He hopes Sean
won't think he's being too clingy.
"No," Sean says immediately, stroking back Viggo's hair. "No. I don't have to
go any time soon." He gives Viggo a soft kiss, hoping to reassure him.
"Oh good," Viggo said, sliding his arms around Sean. "Love you."
Sean likes the way his stomach goes hot at that. "Love you, too." He strokes
Viggo's hair gently, smiling. He could go to sleep now, and he's comfortable
enough here, with Viggo, to do it.
-tbc-
End Notes
     The title is a line from the Delerium song "Magic" (feat Julee
     Cruise).
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!
